EmuLater's Recent Statuses
Sun, 5-May-24 5:51 PM
(16 days ago)
“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”
Tue, 16-Apr-24 7:37 PM
(34 days ago)
After the ballet skirt was invented, the creators spent days coming up with a name. Finally, they put tu and tu together.
Wed, 10-Apr-24 1:33 PM
(41 days ago)
Test status from mobile...
Sun, 7-Apr-24 4:33 PM
(44 days ago)
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.
Sun, 7-Apr-24 12:02 PM
(44 days ago)
When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses do they have a mid-wife crisis?
Tue, 19-Mar-24 6:48 PM
(62 days ago)
"Essex man, 39, jailed for cyber-flashing in first of its kind case in England and Wales" Do not send unsolicited pics of your dick to anyone!
Thu, 14-Mar-24 5:31 PM
(68 days ago)
I woke up to find my moustache was missing this morning. Someone must have stolen it from right under my nose.
Sun, 10-Mar-24 10:47 AM
(72 days ago)
I got a new car for my Mom this Mother’s Day. It’s the best trade I ever made.
Fri, 8-Mar-24 9:15 AM
(74 days ago)
One of the animals in the local zoo is pregnant, but nobody is comfortable talking about it. It’s the elephant in the womb.
Thu, 7-Mar-24 11:27 AM
(75 days ago)
Breaking news: A truck full of pepper mills has crashed on the highway. The traffic has ground to a halt.
Tue, 5-Mar-24 12:14 PM
(77 days ago)
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel.
Fri, 1-Mar-24 10:06 AM
(81 days ago)
I was alone in the bath. Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Wed, 28-Feb-24 11:22 AM
(83 days ago)
My doctor told me that I’m suffering from insomnia. I asked, “Is it serious?” He said, “There’s no cause for any alarm.”
Sun, 18-Feb-24 10:57 AM
(93 days ago)
How can you tell when a bucket gets sick? It becomes a little pale.
Sat, 17-Feb-24 10:53 AM
(94 days ago)
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It’s true! I went for a jog today and decided I’m never going again.
Tue, 13-Feb-24 6:10 PM
(97 days ago)
Steve Wright has passed away.
RIP
Tue, 13-Feb-24 2:53 PM
(98 days ago)
It's pissing down here... That ends today's weather forecast.
Sat, 10-Feb-24 9:38 AM
(101 days ago)
It is known that there are five Great Lakes in North America. But one is truly Superior.
Fri, 9-Feb-24 8:55 AM
(102 days ago)
I managed to resuscitate a clown the other day. He’s now on laugh support.
Wed, 7-Feb-24 8:24 AM
(104 days ago)
I told my wife our next door neighbor died. She said, “Who? Ray?” I told her it was way too early to celebrate like that.
Tue, 6-Feb-24 11:00 AM
(105 days ago)
Tue, 6-Feb-24 9:04 AM
(105 days ago)
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway... It wasn't a happy meal.
Mon, 5-Feb-24 6:05 PM
(105 days ago)
Just announced on TV: King Charles diagnosed with cancer and will take step back from official duties.
Sun, 4-Feb-24 10:26 AM
(107 days ago)
I didn’t like working at the steel plant. It smelt.
Sat, 3-Feb-24 8:58 AM
(108 days ago)
I hired a landscape gardener the other day. But he told me that he couldn’t do the work, because my garden is portrait.
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