A few years ago a local tourist attraction along the coast was renamed for reasons of political correctness. The penguins in question, had been known by many generations of people as Fairy Penguins because they are the smallest and some say the cutest of the species. Their new name is now Little Penguins to the befuddlement of most people, who can’t understand what the fuss was all about that required a name change. What would happen if other species were renamed for similar reasons?

Visitor: “Ah! So this is the famous Giant Tortoise. Never seen one up close before”

Zoo Keeper: “Excuse me sir. We don’t refer to them as Giant anymore. We like to call them Big Tortoises”

Visitor: “What”

Zoo Keeper: “Well we didn’t want to offend anyone”

Visitor: “But these are the largest Tortoises on the planet right”

Zoo Keeper: “You mean the biggest and yes they are”

Visitor: “It’s a fucking Tortoise. Who gives a damn whether you call it Giant? Besides it says so on the sign”

Zoo Keeper: “Yes well we have had a slight problem with that. We are waiting for the interviews to be over”

Visitor: “Interviews?”

Zoo Keeper: “Yes, we want to ensure we give male and female sign writers the opportunity to correct the wording”.

Visitor: “You people are fucking nuts. How do I get out of here?”

Zoo Keeper: “Take this path, then a left at the Dark Panther enclosure”.

Visitor: “You mean the Black Panther enclosure.”

Zoo Keeper: “No sir I mean the Dark Panther enclosure”

Visitor: “I was right, you people are fucking nuts. Good luck with the sign writer for that one”

A tongue to lick with
Fingers to tease with
All she has to say is “yes please”

For fans of Billy Connolly:

“My first sexual encounter happened when I was a wee lad. I was pounding away like a man possessed, looking at a rather salacious picture of a woman……...when the man in the shop said “ Son, you going to buy that magazine”.

A man’s scrotum is a sign that God has a sense of humour. Why else would you put sensitive body parts outside the body wrapped in some left over skin that shrivels to the size of walnuts when placed in cold water.

Vagina sounds like a lovely place to visit; a return journey is a must. “I took my holidays in Vagina”. “Oh really, did you get a two for one deal”

Scrotum sounds like a fungus best not talked about or a greeting between trolls:
Shop Assistant:“Yes sir”
Customer: “I’d like some Scrotum cream thanks”

Shop Assistant :“I’m sorry sir we are fresh out, ...been a lot of it about lately”
Customer: “But my wife gets back this afternoon. Do you think she’ll notice?”

Troll 1: “Scrotum”
Troll 2: “Don’t you fucking Scrotum me”

Troll 1: “Dickhead”


Old Joke:
A man, a dog and a duck, walk into a bar.

The dog jumps up on a bar stool and orders three drinks.

The bar tender says: “Well I don’t believe it, a talking dog. Did you ever see anything like that?”

The duck looks over and says: “What would I know, I’m a fucking duck”


It’s not where you start but where you finish. So ladies please…. start at the tip, work you way down to the base and back up to the tip.
This announcement was brought to you by Scrotum Cream.

Recipe home brew:3 eggs, 1 cup whiskey, 1/4cup of the following:white rum, dark rum,tequila. 1 tin sweetened condensced milk, 1 small tin of reduced cream. Blend for 1 minute, age for 1 minute. Best served chilled.

Reason to try it:
for the ladies it is just smooth and creamy as it goes down
for the guys, warms her up for a suggestion or two

Footnote: haven't found a woman who doesn't enjoy it (the drink that is)