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ifotou
Delayed or No Ejaculation and Dating
Due to meds I am on, I normally don't climax from sexual activity. No problems with ED. I can fully participate. I just won't climax. This has proved to be an awkward conversation at times.

I can say nothing prior to sex and then deal with it if the topic comes up although at some point you need to say something so your partner doesn't wonder if they aren't doing the right things or not turning you on. I could mention ahead of time that due to meds I won't cum. That way they won't wonder.

I've tried both approaches and I think it just depends on the person. Some take it personally no matter how you explain it to them. That's pretty much a no-win. Some take it as a challenge and are sure they'll be the one to make it happen. That eventually turns to disappointment when, despite their best efforts, I still don't cum. Some say it's no big deal but over time it becomes a big deal. I know there are some women out there who could live with it.

It's discouraging as you can imagine. Viagra and others have done such a great job advertising about ED that sometimes I think that's the only sexual problem a man could have. Given the availability of ED drugs, it would appear a man should never have a problem. Unfortunately, there is still DE (delayed ejaculation) and those who simply can't cum. There are lots of self-help articles on solving premature ejaculation. You would think given that issue a woman would love a guy who can last and last and last. They do but they also want the validation from seeing you cum. Some feel selfish if they cum but you don't.

A lack of a climax convinces many women you couldn't have possibly enjoyed or gotten anything out of the sex. That would be the farthest thing from the truth.

Any one else ever had to deal with this either as a woman with such a man or a man with this situation? Anything you've found helpful?

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Member Since: 8-Aug-05
Location: SE
Posts: 5310
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Active Contributor
hi
first i think this is not an unusual problem for men over 60, meds or no meds
a normal woman would no really find this weird,
and many women need to know guys better to cum easily
the important thing in my opinion is to adress it before the bedroom
i dont always cum, but the important thing is to enjoy sex either you cum or not
the goal is great sex, not the cum
just my 2c


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ifotou
Thank you and I totally agree. I've spoken to several sex therapists and they all say the same thing. People get too fixated on climaxing. Granted, it's great but during 99% of sex (well some women might vary smile you are not cuming. I have been with multi-orgasmic women who love a guy who can last while they have all the pleasure they want. Psychologically, though, many women also want to please and want to feel they were pleasing and a guy climaxing is taken as a sign of that. Without that validation, some women have a hard time. If they do, they do. It's not for me to tell them how they should feel.

I just want to please them and if I please them that pleases me. I enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, touching, etc. It's all amazing with or without a climax. The one thing I cannot share (but will here) is that I don't feel much during sex. I have normal tactile feeling but it's not sexual. My sensitivity is way down. At times, depending on the position, I have had to ask my partner if I was still inside her. I couldn't tell. Same with oral. If her touch is too light it can be hard for me to tell unless I can see. I hope that changes one day. The good part is that I am totally focused on pleasing the woman. I don't have to worry that what we're doing might make me cum too quickly nor do I have to worry about whether what we're doing will work for me. I can make it all about her knowing that anything that works for her is going to work for me.

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